Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
