I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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