Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize