my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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