Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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