Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
