My Higher Power is John Stamos
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you never un-have a 4some
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
