As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
