90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
sarcasm needs its own font
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
