even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
