Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
