just come out here and I will go home with you...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
