That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
