So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
