hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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