If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
