I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
