Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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