i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
high people should be assigned attendants
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
