is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
