You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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