so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
two words...techno handjob
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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