So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
