Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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