You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize