I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize