Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
