If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
