i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thank you for not boning my boss.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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