May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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