i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
