The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
