my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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