bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
