my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
