I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
