I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
