Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
