I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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