i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
