Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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