How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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