I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
