God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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