remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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