Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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