i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You made out with two different species that night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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