I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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