he shaved USA in his pubs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
