She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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