We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
