We're facebook friends in real life
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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