Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He literally asked permission to hit on me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
