Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize