and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
