I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His hands were made for my vagina.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize