I wish I could teleport
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
