i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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