Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
