The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
