I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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