Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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