she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
