I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
