omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
