i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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