and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
