Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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