my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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