I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
